


If I Never Knew You

by cate-lynne (catelynne)



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:37:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4350824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catelynne/pseuds/cate-lynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Castiel had never left heaven?  What if he had never helped the Winchester brothers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death

**Author's Note:**

> Starts at the season finale of Season 3, when Dean dies.

“She’s not Ruby!”

But it was too late.  Sam was flung aside like a doll, hitting the wall and losing his grip on his knife.  Looking over, he watched helplessly as Dean was thrown back across the table.  Both brothers were pinned by Lilith’s power.  Dean lifted his head to stare at the blond demon.

“How long you been in her?”

“Not long,” Lilith said with a disturbing smile.  Then she looked down at her new meat suit.  “But I like it.  It’s all grown up and pretty.”

Sam felt so helpless. He was trapped and he was certain that Dean was going to die at any moment.  She was just toying with them for now.  He clenched his jaw in anger.

“And where’s Ruby?” he ground out.

“She was a very bad girl,” Lilith said.  The innocent tone of voice that she used, so childlike, was really grating on Sam’s nerves.  It was so at odds with what he knew she was capable of. “So I sent her far, far away.”

She cracked her neck as she spoke, making Sam flinch.  That was gross.

“You know, I should have seen it before…but you all look alike to me,” Dean struggled to speak, but added his usual smirk.  Lilith didn’t seem to appreciate it.  She was silent for a moment, and then she looked at Sam.  She walked over to him, head tilted to the side, while Sam tried not to look afraid.

“Hello, Sam.  I’ve wanted to meet you for a very long time.”  She took hold of his face and pressed a kiss to his lips.  Dean looked on with disgust and a bit of confusion.

“Your lips are soft,” she breathed.  Sam tried to pull his face away, but there was only so much movement possible while being pinned with demonic powers.

“Alright, so you have me.  Let my brother go.”  He looked at her, daring to hope.

“Silly goose,” she said, and he felt his hope shatter, “You wanna bargain, you gotta have something I want.”

He waited.  She let him feel the suspense, the hope that there was something that he could do to save his brother.  And then she tsk-ed.

“You don’t.”

“So is this your big plan, huh?” interrupted Dean in an attempt to distract the demon from his brother. “Drag me to hell, kill Sam, and then what?  Become queen bitch?”

“I don’t have to answer to puppy chow,” Lilith snapped.  Dean felt his blood run cold at the thought of the hellhounds finally taking him.  It had been haunting his nightmares for weeks now. 

Lilith looked at him speculatively and pushed away from Sam.  She walked over to the glass French doors with an unholy smile on her face.  She put a hang on the doorknob and looked at Dean once more with the eager smile of a child about to do something that they know they shouldn’t.

“Sick ‘em, boy,” she sing-songed.  Sam looked at Dean in panic, while Dean glanced at him in fear.  This was it.  He was really going to die, here, with his brother pinned to the wall and watching the entire thing.  The door opened and he could hear the growl of the giant dog as it pulled him off of the table by the leg to the floor.  He yelled in pain as he felt teeth and nails sinking into his skin.

“No! Stop!” Sam shouted, but Lilith just smiled.  “No!”

Dean’s shouts were growing louder as Sam’s voice got more and more hoarse.

“Stop it!” he pleaded.  Blood spurted from Dean and Sam closed his eyes.  It was killing him to see Dean in so much pain.

“No, no, stop it,” he repeated. “STOP IT!”

He saw the light in Dean’s eyes flicker and go out for a moment. “NO!”

“Yes,” Lilith said, enjoying watching the brothers’ torment.  And then she threw power at him, intent on killing.  But when the light faded, all that was revealed was a crouched Sam, not a dead Sam.  She frowned in confusion.  When he stood up, she felt the first shiver of fear in over three thousand years.

“Back,” she commanded, but her powers did nothing.  He began to walk towards her. “I said back!”

Sam said nothing, just bent to retrieve his demon knife.  He prepared to strike.

“I don’t think so.”  And just as he lunged forward with the knife, Lilith smoked out of her body, leaving Sam with two bodies to take care of.

 

When Lilith was gone, Sam relaxed a bit, his eyes going to his brother’s body on the floor.  It was covered in blood, his clothes ripped and torn to shreds.  Sam felt his face screwing up, trying to come to grip with his emotions.  Dean couldn’t be dead.  He wasn’t _allowed_ to die.  Tears that were hot and salty slipped down his face.  He dropped to his knees beside his brother and lifted his still body.

“No,” he whispered.  This couldn’t be real. “No.”

They had come so far, both individually and together.  How could all of this, all of Dean’s work, be over now? Sam had tried, he really had, to find a way to help him.  But it hadn’t been enough.  He hadn’t been enough.  And now…how could Dean be dead?

“Dean,” he gasped out as the realization hit and the sobs took over his body.  His entire world was collapsing, all his firmly held beliefs were crumbling away, and all he could see in his mind’s eye was Dean, laughing, eating, hunting, living, being everything Sam wished he could be.

“Dean.”

…

Meanwhile, Dean was opening his eyes to darkness, cut through by lightning.  He could feel chains around his wrists and ankles and he registered the sharp pain that was caused by the hooks in his shoulder and side.  He was so afraid.  So alone.  Where was Sam?

“Sam!  Hey!” he called out, his voice hoarse from yelling, both for help and in pain. “Somebody help me!”

He called for somebody, anybody, but there was only one person, really who could help him now.  One person that he needed to see, alive and well, or else safe from here.  Soon the pain would wipe everything else from his mind, except for the name of the person who meant the most to him in the world.  So it was that name that he shouted and fixed his hope on:

“SAM!”


	2. Blood

It had been a few weeks since Dean had died.  Sam had gone to every crossroads demon he could find, any that would answer his summons, but none would trade with him.  None were willing to let Dean out of hell.  Now, Sam spent his days drowning his pain in whiskey and losing himself in women, hoping something or someone could dull the jagged edges of his broken heart.  It was getting harder every day and he sank further and further into himself.

Currently, he was curled up in as small a ball as he could manage, his long limbs twisted uncomfortably around a bottle full of amber liquid.  It burned on its way down his throat but he paid it no mind.  On the bed next to him, fast asleep, was the girl that he had brought home last night.  He didn’t remember any of it.  He didn’t remember where he had met her, what they had done, or even her name.  He stared at her sleeping, peaceful face with glazed eyes and felt a stab of jealousy.  If only he could sleep and dream like that.  But now, all he saw when he closed his eyes was Dean being torn to shreds and all he heard were Dean’s screams of pain.  It was too much for Sam.  He took another drink and faded into oblivion.

It was at that point that Ruby found him.

…

One night, after he had failed, yet again, to get a demon to make a deal with him, he came back to his room.  It was dark and quiet. Too quiet.  He turned around to see a huge demon.  It attacked him , anticipating a fight that Sam had no intention of giving.  He didn’t want to fight back.  He wasn’t capable of it in his intoxicated state.  And the constant pain in his chest made it so much harder to move normally, let alone fight.  Seconds later, another demon joined the fray.  She landed a couple of kicks to Sam’s stomach before reaching around and finding the demon knife in his pocket.

“Thanks for keeping this warm for me, Sam.”

“Ruby.”

“It’s nice to be back.  Where I was?  Even for hell, it was nasty.  I must have really pissed Lilith off.  Imagine my relief when she gave me one last chance to take it topside.  And all I had to do was find you and kill you.”  She stared into Sam’s eyes, looking for fear or hatred, or anything.  All she could see was pain.

“Fine,” Sam growled. “Go ahead.”

Ruby looked into Sam’s eyes.  He meant it.  He was so lost without Dean, he didn’t care if he died right at that moment.

“Do it,” he challenged.  He was practically asking for it.  Ruby gave him a little smile before raising the knife above her head and swinging it down with all her might.

Into the other demon.

Sam looked around in disbelief as the demon fell to the ground, shouting.  It was a few moments before his body stopped twitching with the strange yellow light that usually accompanied an injury by the demon knife.  He looked back at Ruby.

“Grab your keys, we gotta go.”  When Sam didn’t move, she brushed past him, commanding over her shoulder, “Now!”

Once they were in the car and on their way, Ruby attempted to cut through the tension that Sam was wearing like a shell.

“You know what sounds good?  French fried.”  She got no answer, so she continued.  “I’m starvin’.  I just escaped hell, I deserve a treat.”

When Sam still didn’t answer her, she got serious.

“You know, a thank you would be nice.”

“Who asked for your help?”

“You have no idea what I’ve been through.  When Lilith gets pissed, she gets creative.” Ruby looked over at Sam, looking for any kind of reaction.  “ You wanna hear about the corners of hell I’ve seen, Sam?”

“No, I don’t.”  His words remained clipped and detached.

“And what I had to do to convince her I was sorry?”

“Well this will definitely get you a fat Christmas bonus.”

“Very funny,” she muttered.  She waited a second to organize her thoughts, and then she turned to him.  “I’m a fugitive.  For you, Sam.  I took all of this risk to get back to you.  So yeah, I deserve a damn thank you.”

“Who.  Asked. You. To. Save. Me?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“Can you help me save Dean?”

She looked at him for a moment and saw all the pain, all the love he had for his brother, and how lonely he was.  Even though she wasn’t meant to care for him, she found she couldn’t lie to him.

“No.  Nothing I know of is powerful enough to do that.”

It was silent in the car for a few moments before Sam suddenly swerved, pulling over to the side of the road.

“Then I have no use for you,” he said as soon as the car stopped.

“What?”  Ruby said, feeling a bit of panic rising in her throat.

“Get out.”

“Sam…”

“Whose body are you riding, Ruby?” he asked.  And while she hated the question, she couldn’t help but feel a little relieved that he was asking such a _Sam_ question.  She stared at him.

“What do you care, you’ve never asked me that before.”

“I’m asking now.”  It was then that she realized that he was struggling to hold on to himself, to the little Sammy that he used to be.  The Sam that Dean loved the most.

“Some secretary.” 

“Let her go,” he demanded predictably.

“Sam-” she tried to interrupt.

“Or I send you right back to hell.”  His face was hard and unmovable.

Ruby sighed, but knew she would do what he wanted.

…

A day later, she knocked on his door in a new meat suit, death certificate in hand.  She teased him a bit but really, she was happy to have her own body.  No memories of a past life to compete with.  No awkward meetings with past acquaintances.  She was shocked out of her appreciation of her new, very pretty body when she mentioned the fight with Lilith and discovered that Sam was ready to go, ready to leap into claiming his powers and his rightful place as one of the most powerful demonic beings ever.  But she was going to need him alive, and she didn’t know how much longer his liver was going to last, judging by the collection of bottles scattered about the place.  Once she had extracted his promise of sobriety and dedication to the fight, they got to work.

It wasn’t easy.  Sam was stubborn and expected a lot of himself that there was no way he was ready for yet.  There were a lot of failed attempts, demons pulled only to flit right back into their meat suit.  A lot of mockery from same demons.   Ruby promptly killed them when she felt like it was too much for Sam.  His headaches were getting worse.

“Just give it time, Sam, it’ll get better.”

“What, I just need practice?” he scoffed, tipping his head back and throwing back the pills.

“I’m not talking about pulling demons.”  No matter what her reasons were for being there, she didn’t like seeing Sam in so much pain.  And…this was a perfect opportunity to get closer to him.  In more ways than one.

“I know losing Dean is-”

“Hey.”  He stopped her already unsure sentence before it had time to get out.  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He was silent for ten seconds before he exploded. “Where do you get off slapping me with that hallmark time heals crap.  What the hell do you know?”

“I used to be human.  And I still remember what it feels like to lose someone.”   She could see the disbelief in his eyes, so she stepped closer so he could see how sincere she was.  He said nothing and she decided to take a chance.

“I’m sorry,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Uh-uh,” he huffed out, knocking her arm down.  “Don’t.”

There was a struggle on his face, trying not to cry, trying not to seem weak.  “I can’t.”

“Sam, you’re not alone.”  And she leaned in and kissed him.  For a second, she thought she was going to get away with it.  He raised a hand, about to put it in her hair, but changed his mind and used it to push her away.  He stood up and walked away, leaving her missing his warmth.  She spun around to face him.

“What are you doing?”

“Sam, it’s okay.”

“No, that is anything but okay,” he nearly shouted.  She could see his confusion rolling off of him in waves.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, even though she had a pretty good idea.

“ _What’s wrong_?” He met her gaze.  “Where do I start?”

She could see him trying not to look at her, trying not to see the way this body moved gracefully, her curves.  He was trying so hard.

“Is it because of the body?” she asked. “Because, I told you, it’s all me inside of here.”

She dropped to her knees in front of him and took his hand in hers.  Then she pressed it to the warm, smooth skin of her stomach.

“There’s no one else in here and it’s nice inside this body, Sam.  It’s soft and warm.”  She could see him really struggling, so she clutched his hand closer.

“What are you doing?”

She puts her lips as close to him as possible. “Isn’t it ‘cause you’re really scared to go there with a demon?  Because it’s wrong.  And it’s bad.  And we shouldn’t.”

She felt it when he gave in.  The hard shell of tension that he kept around himself shattered, his hands gripped her head and he pulled her into a kiss.  It was rough and messy, but she liked it and she groaned into his mouth.  She stood up and his hands travelled down, grabbing her behind the knees and pulling until she was straddling him on the tiny couch.  They didn’t waste any time.  First her shirt was discarded and she reveled in the feeling of his rough hands tracing over her skin.  Their kiss continued, only breaking for seconds at a time when clothing was removed.  She could feel Sam’s hands in her hair and did some exploring of her own.  Then their jeans were gone, joining the shirts on the floor.  That was only the first of many nights spent together.

…

When they found out that Lilith was in town, Ruby panicked.  Sam was ready to go out there and sacrifice himself and Ruby couldn’t let that happen.  Despite everything, she was developing feeling for the reckless human.  So when he left, she called Lilith.

“He’s coming.”  That was it.  Then she hung up.  By the time Sam got there, Lilith would be long gone.  And Ruby would step in to save her human and the child.  But by some twist of fate, the demons overpowered her.  That was when Sam came back, came back for her, and exorcised the demon.  He saved her.  That was when she really ran into problems with…feelings and such.  After that, they were inseparable.  They fought demons together by day, and slept in the same bed at night.  That is, until she told Sam what he really needed to be powerful.  Her blood.

…

“Are you serious?”  Sam said, incredulous.  “You want to me to _what_?”

“You heard me.  What’s the big deal?”

“The _big deal_ is that you’re asking me to drink your blood – demon blood!”

“It’s not like you haven’t before.”  The Bitchface Sam gave her after that was enough to make her back down for the moment.  He needed to do this.  It was the only way.  Somehow, she would have to change his mind.  He stomped away and refused to speak to her after that discussion.  He had slept on the couch that night, even though it was too short for him.  In the middle of the night, Ruby had crept out of the bedroom to watch him.  He had frown lines on his face and his brow furrowed more and more the longer she watched.  Eventually, he started whimpering.  Ruby reached out a hand to wake him up when he whispered a name.

“Dean…” he muttered and she pulled her hand back.  She wouldn’t wake him.  Maybe if he remembered what his brother was going through, maybe he’d be more willing to do what had to be done.

…

“It’s the only thing that will help, Sam, and you know it.”  Ruby was leaning against the open door of the kitchen, watching Sam search through cupboards for food.  He spoke with his head still inside the empty pantry so that his voice was muffled.

“It’s the reason I’m such a freak in the first place, Ruby, I don’t want more.”

“Sam, you aren’t a freak.”

He ignored her. “We need food.  I’m going out.”

“Sam!”  she called after him, but he ignored her ad kept on going, right out the front door.

…

“Are we going to talk about it?”

They had abandoned the cabin for the moment in order to chase down a couple of demons a few states over.  Ruby lay on their bed, on her stomach, facing Sam. He was typing away on his laptop, still trying to ignore her.

“You can’t ignore me forever.  We are sharing a bed tonight, after all.”

Sam gave her a look.  It was verging on being The Bitchface.

“Sam.  This is getting out of hand.  Just talk to me.”

He continued to ignore her.  She decided to try a different tactic.

“Alright, maybe you’re a bit of a freak but that’s what’s going to help you win against Lilith.”

“Ruby…”

“Seriously, Sam.  It’s the best option at this point.”  He looked at her, unsure. “Just try it, okay?  We’ll see how much it helps.”

“It’s not what…Dean…would have wanted me to do.”

“Dean would want you to get the job done, Sam.  No matter what it took.”  She looked him in the eye as he searched her gaze.  She had to have complete confidence in her plan or he would back out.  After a minute of thinking, he gave her a tiny nod.

“Alright.”

She smiled and beckoned him over to her.  He closed his laptop and made his way over to her, uncertain.  He sat on the edge of the bed tentatively.  “So…how do we…?”

“Like this.” 

She pulled the small silver knife out of her boot and sliced her arm, just above the crease of her elbow.  Slowly, he lowered his mouth to her skin and licked.  They didn’t break eye contact the entire time.  He made a face for a moment at the salty, tangy taste, but his expression cleared after a moment.  He looked down to where her blood was trickling down the side of her arm and she could see the longing in his eyes.

“Can you feel it, Sammy?”  she breathed.  “Can you feel the power?”

Slowly, his eyes rose back to hers.  She shivered at the look in his eyes.  Then he attached his mouth firmly to her arm and began to drink.


	3. Anger

Sam stood with his hands by his sides at the top of a hill outside of the little town that held the entrance to Lucifer’s cage.  Ruby had brought him here as soon as Lilith had died, not wanting him to get hurt.  He watched the blast of light, not bothering to cover his eyes.  Ruby stood behind him, talking.  He was only catching snippets of what she was saying.

“….so proud of you….free…Sam, you did it…”  He frowned and paid a bit more attention. “You freed Lucifer from the Cage.”

He pulled away to turn and look at her. “Wait, what?”

“I…Sam, look!  We won!”  Her attempt to distract him was weak, she already knew it wouldn’t work.

“No, what was that you said?  About Lucifer.”  There was a pit on Sam’s stomach, the same kind that formed every time he knew he had let his brother down.

“Sam…”

“Tell me the truth.”  His voice shook, just a little, and he fought to control it.

“Don’t, Sam.  You’ll just get angry.”

“Tell me the truth!  What did you do?”  There, shouting covered the tremble in his words.

“I didn’t do anything, Sam!  This…this was all you.”

“What?”  He almost didn’t want to know what she was going to say next.  But he had to know.  He had to know what he had done to deserve his brother’s disappointment again.

Ruby looked into his eyes and smiled, a smile he had never seen on her face before.  He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Lilith was the sixty-sixth seal.  The Cage is open, Lucifer is free.”

…

It goes without saying that Sam lost it at that point.  Ruby stayed by his side though, calming him down, talking him through it.  He refused to listen.  Finally, Ruby said the only thing that could ever matter to Sam. 

“Sam, it’s Lucifer.  The real King of Hell.  He can bring Dean back for you.”

Sam quit his pacing to stare at her.  He could tell that there was too much hope in his eyes, too much vulnerability.  He shook his head and fought to hang on to his anger.  It mattered.  The end of the world mattered…more than Dean.  Or it should, right?

“This entire time, Ruby, you were using me for this.  You never wanted to help me…you never cared…”

“Yes, I did, Sam,” she whispered, walking hesitantly over to him.  “I still do care.  It may have started as a grand scheme to let out the King, but things changed.  I’m not…good, Sam.  But with you, I feel like I could at least try.”

He looked away, studying the floor.  She took a step closer to him.  He tried so hard not to look at her, not to look at her face, at her eyes that he knew would be full of doubt and self-loathing and hope and fear.  He knew because that’s what he looked like every time he looked in a mirror.  But he couldn’t help it once she was standing less than a foot away and he could feel her breath floating across his skin.  He glanced up, into her eyes.  He had been right.  And there was no way, even after what she had done to manipulate him, that he could walk away from her while she was asking for his help.

“We can get Dean back.  You two can be together again and you and I…”  She trailed off, looking unsure, but Sam was already onboard.   He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.  He had to grin a little at the way she melted against him.

When they pulled apart, Sam took her hand and started walking towards where they had left the car.  Ruby laced their fingers together and smiled up at him.

“So,” he asked, opening the door for her, “Where to?”

She bounced a little in her seat, a rare display of excitement.  Sam smirked and started the car, idling a bit to hear her answer.

“Now, we go find Lucifer.”

…

It wasn’t that difficult to find him.  They just looked for the place that was most chaotic.  Lucifer was in downtown Chicago, reveling in the sin and crime going on around him.  It seemed like his very presence alone was making the people do strange things, things they would never do normally.  As they drove, Sam and Ruby saw a child begin to beat her dog, they watched as people hit pedestrians without slowing their cars or stopping, and they cringed as a very large group of people started an orgy on the sidewalk.

“I think we’re getting closer.”

“Gee, you think?”  Sam sasses back and rolled his eyes.  Ruby shivered and glanced over at him.

“Do you feel that?”

“Is it getting colder?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “We’re getting real close.”

“How can you tell?” he asked, curious.  She met his gaze slowly.

“The Devil burns cold.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, it started to snow.  At the same time, the Impala rolled to a stop.  Sam and Ruby sat in the front seat, just staring out the windows to see if anything else would happen.  When it didn’t, they looked at each other for a moment before getting out.

“I guess we’re meant to walk?”  Sam asked.  Ruby shrugged.  “Okay so…that way?  Maybe?”

They started walking.

…

It took them a while to figure out where they were going.  Eventually, though, they found their way to a large, opulent hotel that Sam couldn’t quite remember the name of.  Coming forward, they were intercepted by two demons.  They were heavily muscled and unsmiling.  Sam fought against the urge to drop them on the spot so he could taste their blood.  This was not the time.  They glared at Sam and Ruby for a moment, refusing to let them pass to the elevator.  Ruby stepped forward, flashing her demon eyes at the two.  Instantly, they relaxed slightly, though they still didn’t move out of the way.

“Move,” Ruby growled.  They didn’t speak, just glanced at Sam doubtfully.  She sighed and gestured at Sam. “This is Sam Winchester, the Boy King.”

Sam glanced at her, surprised.  She had never called him that before, though she had hinted at the path that Azazel had planned for him a couple of times.  She hadn’t treated him any differently, but when she spoke his name to the demons that barred their way, they instantly straightened up and stepped aside.

“Apologies,” one of them muttered, while the other one nodded. Sam took Ruby’s hand and pulled her forward into the waiting elevator.  Once the doors slid shut, Sam turned to Ruby.

“What was that?”

“They’re afraid of you. Sam.  They respect you.  You are the most powerful demonic being in the whole world, besides Lucifer himself.  Of course they don’t want to stand in your way.”

“Oh,” he said, quietly.  They didn’t speak again till the doors of the elevator opened.  When they did, they were suddenly in a very large, very cold room.  It was sparsely furnished, except for two couches that faced each other in the center of the room.  Ruby and Sam walked forward cautiously.

“Seems like someone is expecting us,” Sam whispered.

“Indeed, Sam.”  The voice came from the darkness in the corners of the room and barely reached Sam’s ears.  Whipping around, Sam peered behind him at the dark shape that was leaning against the wall.  The man was blond and rugged looking.  When his blue eyes met Sam’s hazel ones, he pushed off of the wall and sauntered forward.  His eyes swept up and down Sam’s body, taking in everything about him.  Sam shifted uncomfortably. 

“Please…take a seat.”  Lucifer walked past them and sat at the far couch.  Slowly, Sam and Ruby took their places across from him.  Ruby leaned forward, as if she was trying to absorb every wave of cold that radiated from the fallen angel before them.  As interested as Ruby was, Lucifer only had eyes for Sam. 

“So…” he breathed. “This is Azazel’s Boy King.  My…heir.”

Sam’s head jerked up at that, wide eyes meeting blue ones once more.  That made Ruby sit back in surprise as well.

“Heir?  Sam?” she questioned.

“Yes.  Sam is my heir.  He is mine.” 

Sam wasn’t sure what was going on.  What was happening?  Ruby seemed tense and kind of…possessive, leaning closer to him and taking his hand.  At that, Lucifer growled and, with a wave of his fingers, sent Ruby flying across the room to slam into the far wall.  Sam moved to get up, but found himself overwhelmed by power and sat back down.  Lucifer was suddenly there beside him, a small blade pressed against his wrist, red blood seeping out.  Sam stared at the blood.  He wanted to taste it so badly.  But Ruby was whimpering on the ground on the other side of the room, trying to get up.  He really should help her…except that he was pinned down by Lucifer’s will.

“Sam,” Ruby whispered brokenly. “No.”

He gazed at her for a moment before Lucifer grabbed his chin and put his lips to the soft, cool skin of his wrist.  The blood that dripped onto his face was warm.  Sam’s tongue slipped out to taste a few drops.  He shivered at the same time as Lucifer.  It was good, so much better than Ruby’s, than any demon’s blood.  He wanted more.  He grasped the wrist that was still held to his face with both hands and bit hard.  More blood began to flow.

“No!” Ruby screamed.  “Sam, stop!”

But he didn’t.  Lucifer looked at Ruby with disdainful eyes, raising a hand to kill her.  There was no way he would be sharing Sam, never mind let a minor demon think she had some hold over him.

“No!  If it weren’t for me, you never would have been released!”  She had worked so hard for this, spent years planning and months training and manipulating Sam.  It was all being torn down before her eyes.

Lucifer just smiled.  “You’re a means to an end, Ruby.  I only needed you to get to my Sam.  You are of no use to us now.”

With a snap of his fingers, she was dead.


	4. Power

Years passed in a blur of storms, plagues, and death.  Sam stayed with Lucifer and became the Prince and General of Hell.  Legions of demons followed his command and the humans learned to fear him.  He had successfully captures all of Asia and Europe for Lucifer and was slowly and methodically tearing it apart.  His demons drank the blood of the humans while causing all manner of chaos, while Sam prepared a place for his king to stay when he arrived.  When he did, he was very pleased at the destruction that his monster had caused.

“Lucifer…” Sam began, but trailed off when he saw the older man crossing the room with a blade in his hand.  He watched with rapt attention as the blond man drew the knife tantalizingly slowly across his own flesh.  As soon as the blood began to flow, Sam could smell it.  It smelled thick and sweet, like some kind of exotic fruit.  He wanted it.  No, he needed it.  He met Lucifer halfway and grabbed his arm.  The next instant, his teeth were sunk into the cold skin and hot blood was pouring into his mouth.  The hand that wasn’t caught by Sam’s teeth came up to stroke the hair back from his face so that Lucifer could admire the way his eyes turned black as he drank.  It didn’t take long for Sam to break away, gasping.  He turned away to wipe his mouth and compose himself.  Lucifer waited, knowing that Sam still fought with himself about the blood drinking.  He was about to fix that.

“Sam, pet, come here,” he said as he strode to the door.  Sam turned to face him and obediently moved to his side. “I’ve brought you a gift.”

He opened the door to reveal a new demon.  His was shorter than Sam, by a long ways, but he held himself with confidence.  His hair was a light brown and his face was covered in freckles.  He was wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and boots.  Sam stared as the demon’s eyes flashed black and then back to green. 

It was Dean.

…

“Dean?” Sam whispered, taking a step back.

“Hey, Sam.”  It sounded like him.  Could it really be his big brother?

“I…I don’t…” he looked to Lucifer helplessly, not knowing what to do, what to believe, if he dared to hope.  The fallen archangel gave him a smile.

“I brought him here for you, my pet.  To help you.”

Sam hesitated for a moment, looking back and forth between the angel he served and the brother he had idolized for so many years.  It was overwhelming, seeing Dean standing there smiling at him, like the past few years had never happened.  He fought against his instincts that were telling him to throw himself in his big brother’s arms.  His head told him that this couldn’t possibly be his Dean, he was in hell, or had been, he was bound to be different.  But the longer he looked at the man before him, the less unsure he was.  And all at once, he broke.  Not quite knowing how it happened, he found himself hugging Dean, reassured by the solidness of him.

“Oof,” Dean grunted before wrapping his own arms around Sam. “Good to see you too, Sammy.”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, taking in the nickname as it fell from Dean’s mouth.  It had been so long since anyone called him that.

Over his shoulder, out of his line of sight, Lucifer was giving Dean a meaningful look.  Dean nodded slightly and winked.  Then Lucifer was gone, leaving the brothers to catch up.

…

Hours had passed.  Sam and Dean sat beside each other on the sofa, drinking a couple of beers that Sam had scrounged up.  He had told his story and listened to Dean’s.  They both sat in silence digesting what they had learned.  Dean had a look of concentration on his face, like he was trying to solve a puzzle.  Sam shifted nervously.  Was he going to tell Sam he had been stupid?  That he was a monster?  That they weren’t brothers anymore?  The suspense was killing him.

“Dean-”

“Shh, I’m thinking.”  Another couple of minutes of silence passed before he spoke again. “So…drinking demon blood is what gives you your power right?”

“Right.”

“And you spent a year drinking Ruby’s, and now you drink the blood of any demon?  Or Lucifer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that is just…” he trailed off and Sam cringed.  Here it comes… “That won’t be necessary anymore.”

“What? Dean, I can’t just stop.  I need it.”

“Yeah I get that, but you won’t be drinking just some ordinary demon’s blood.  You’ll have mine.”

“What?”  This had gone in a completely different direction than Sam had anticipated.

“Yeah.  I’m a demon now and I don’t trust the others not to give you some kind of demonic blood disease.  So, you’ll drink my blood.”

“Dean, no, I can’t-“

“Yes, you can, and you will.”  And before Sam could move to stop him, he had whipped out a knife and slashed his arm.  Sam stared at the crimson blood as it started to drip down Dean’s arm.  He resisted, but he could smell it.  It smelled like the blood that he was used to, yes, but it also smelled like Dean and home.  The combination was impossible to resist.

“No,” he muttered, moving to stand up.  But Dean grabbed him and yanked him closer.  In his haze of blood, Sam found his will crumbling and, without his consent, he licked the blood off of his brother’s arm.  When his skin was clean, Sam attached himself to the wound and drank.  His eyes turned solid black at the same time as Dean’s.  Dean used his free hand to hold the back of Sam’s neck, making sure he couldn’t move.

“That’s it, little brother,” he muttered.  “Take as much as you need.”

Sam continued to drink.  When he was done, he looked up at Dean and smiled.  Dean looked down, proud of his work, and took in the sight of his little brother, blood on his lips and teeth-


	5. Relief

Dean started awake with a gasp.  He could feel sweat cooling on his forehead and neck.  His eyes searched the darkness for a moment before the familiar shape of his bedroom in the bunker came into view.  He relaxed, letting his head fall back against the pillow as he focused on his breathing.  That had been one fucked up dream…

The sound of fluttering wings announced Castiel’s presence.  Dean quickly threw an arm over his face to hide how badly he was shaken up. 

“Dean.”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“Are you alright?  I felt your distress from the kitchen and came to check on you.”  He sounded so concerned.  It made Dean smile.  He grunted as he sat up, feeling the tension in his shoulders, a reaction to the nightmare. 

“Yep, ‘m fine.”

Castiel was studying his face, searching for signs of subterfuge.  Dean sighed and stood up.

“Look man, it was just a nightmare.  I’m fine.”  He started walking to the door, already smelling the bacon that Sam was cooking.  His non-demonic little brother, making bacon for breakfast.  He smiled to himself before glancing back at Cas, who hadn’t moved, just stood there watching him.  “But…uh…I wanted to say thank you.  You know, if you had never gotten me out of hell…if you hadn’t left heaven…I don’t know where Sam and I would be right now.”

Cas smiled, a bright and genuine smile, and opened his mouth to reply when Dean cut him off gruffly.

“No chick flick moments.”

Castiel just kept smiling as he followed Dean to the kitchen and watched the Winchester brothers sit and eat and bicker and just be human.


End file.
